Twilight = not the biz

Google has some suggestions. Sadly, "twilight is awesome" has 10.7m results...

Why is Twilight terrible? I have to admit I haven't read it. From what I understand, the books are fun to read and addictive. Much like Dan Brown's novels, you want to find out what happens next. In that sense they are well-written - they engage the reader. Now, the samples of sentences I've seen make me think Stephanie Meyer can't write but clearly she knows how to pace a novel (or her editors do...).

But there are other issues with Twilight. Issues that make me angry that the books have had so much success. Read LeMargaret's post about why the series is blatantly sexist.

2. Bella continuously needs Edward to protect her. She is incapable of making her own decisions & on the rare occasions that she does they are completely ridiculous. Such as running off to fight James by herself instead of, oh I don’t know, bring along the two uber vamps who have sworn to protect her? Or maybe jumping off a cliff just so she can see her darling Edward in her crazy mind?

It's the plot of the second book that worries me the most. In the book, Edward (the 100-year-old 17-year-old vampire) tells Bella he can't be with her because he feels the temptation to bite too strongly. So they break up. Bella then goes through a series of self-destructive behaviours in order to force Edward back to her. Eventually she tries to commit suicide, forcing Edward to realise he actually does love her when he thinks she's dead. YES. Young women, take note! Just because a man might say he doesn't love and doesn't want to be with you, that doesn't mean he doesn't love you and he doesn't want to be with you. He just needs you to engage in increasingly dangerous tendencies in order for him to realise that he really DOES love you and NEVER wants to leave you. It's that easy! YOU NEVER HAVE TO BE ALONE AGAIN. How awesome.

The fourth book actually has something a bit creepier, but hopefully without the widespread damaging effects of the moral message from the second book. Bella and Edward have a daughter, and the shapeshifter Jacob (previously in love with Bella, having once tried to force himself on her) falls madly in love with the newborn baby. Yes, super creepy. Even creepier, he "imprints" on her, meaning she will grow super fast until she's old enough to be his girlfriend (aka 17) and then stop growing. She will be devoted to him and he will be devoted to her. Of course, she has no choice in this matter. Which is okay, cos no one could ever turn down that kind of devotion. Apparently.

That doesn't mean the first book gets off scot free. No. No, the first book glamorises yet another dangerous moral message: basically, that the creepy, dark, brooding guy is actually just a damaged guy who can be saved through your love.

In my experience, and I think in the experience of EVERY HUMAN EVER, the dark brooding guy is "dark and brooding" for one or more of those reasons:
- parents split up/ongoing family trauma
- violent abuse in childhood/ongoing
- sexual abuse in childhood/ongoing
- verbal/psychological abuse in the family home
- issues with depression
- issues with bullying
- addiction to drugs/alcohol
- traumatic incident in childhood, usually a family breakdown, but possibly something else
- or he is just a massive tool no one likes

Now, awesomely, a lot of people go through one or more of these things and come out the other side well-adjusted human beings. But sometimes, in high school, they're still going through some things. And sometimes they can get involved in relationships that are toxic for them and the other person. I don't think it's a stretch to say you should generally avoid toxic relationships. But not Stephanie Meyer! No, she thinks dark and brooding guys who stalk women and feel urges to kill them.. are sexy and glamorous!

Anyway, needless to say, Bella falls massively for Edward. I love this Cracked rewrite of the movie:

KRISTEN STEWART

I want you to make me a vampire so that I can be with you, even if it means sacrificing my own life as a mortal.

ROBERT PATTINSON

So, the next generation of young women are currently flocking to see a female lead starring in a movie by a female director based on a bestselling book by a female author, and in this movie the main character wants to become completely submissive and self-sacrificing for a male.

KRISTEN STEWART

I love you. Put a baby in me.

ROBERT PATTINSON

At least the other three books can't possibly be more misogynistic and depressing.

They ARE.

END

In fact, Cracked has a great page on the Twilight series. The stuff that happens in the fourth book defies belief.

So, in conclusion: read the books and enjoy them, unless you are an easily-influenced girl under the age of 18. In which case you should probably stick to watching High School Musical or something.