Why I am completely jealous of ESPN's Bill Simmons

Bill Simmons explains sporting greatness better than anyone.

If you were ever fortunate enough to have season tickets for a memorable athlete in his prime -- Gretzky, Montana, Jordan, Magic, Bird, Pedro, Koufax, whomever -- then you know exactly what this means. It's not just about the winning. It's about heading to the stadium or the park feeling like you won the lottery. It's about the buzz in the crowd, the way everyone seems like they spent just a little more time getting ready. It's about the ceiling being removed for the night. It's about the chance that, 50 years later, your grandkid or your great-grandkid will ask you, "What was it like to see HIM play every night?" ... and you'll have an answer for him. It's about the familiarity of excellence -- constant exposure to someone who's better at his job than you will ever be at anything -- and how that superiority ebbs and flows from night to night.

For me, I expect that will be like seeing Shane Warne and Roger Federer. I always make time to watch Federer. Because one day he will be gone, and I won't be able to do it anymore. And I know I will regret not seeing that level of perfection more often.

That article is about LeBron James, an American basketballer with the body of a power forward, the skills of a point guard, and the athleticism of Michael Jordan. If you don't understand how potent that is, let me put that in AFL terms. It's like a player with the body of Wayne Carey or Jonathan Brown, the skills of James Hird or Nathan Buckley, and the athleticism (running and jumping) of a younger Chris Judd. AND he's getting better. I loved this paragraph.

My friend Hirschy is adamant that we haven't seen LeBron's greatest highlight yet, but when we do, it's going to be life-altering and might get its own two-hour ESPYS show. The play will either be a hellacious follow-up dunk (the odds-on favorite) or an alley-oop like what nearly happened in Portland two Sundays ago, when Mo Williams screwed up and lofted it too high from the left side, only LeBron kept climbing and climbing -- his chin at the rim, his hand approaching the top of the backboard -- and somehow controlled the ball (behind him at this point) as his body started doing a pirouette. For a split second, it seemed like LeBron might attempt the first ever 360-degree alley-oop, then he thought better of it. I almost had a heart attack. It was the most exciting split second of my life. 

That highlight is this one:
Remember, the ring is 10 feet high, or about 3 metres. LeBron's head is well above the ring.

Can I just say, I love Bill Simmons. I covet his job. Yes, I definitely do. Imagine a job where you get to watch sports, and then write about it on the internet and mix in whatever pop culture references you like??? IS THAT NOT THE DREAM JOB??? DAMNIT BILL SIMMONS!!! Seriously, Bill Simmons. I'm coming for your job.

For instance, here he is live-blogging Wrestlemania XXVI. If you have any sort of passing interest in professional wrestling, this is hilarious.

Update: three ladders now in the ring, at least 12 "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"s from the crowd (and counting), and Cole just used the phrase "ladder sandwich." I'm having fun. I'm not gonna lie.

He gets to write about heaps of awesome stuff, like how to fix the NBA. And he has awesome long email conversations with Malcolm Gladwell, the authorof Outliers, about sports. Super jealous? SO yes. If someone can find me a way to get this job, I would be hugely grateful.