Overindulging in Halloween candy is bound to make anyone nauseous. Why not skip the teeth-rotting middleman and turn your stomach before you eat a thing? These ten repugnant candies should do the trick-or-treat.
1.
Dracula Drool: This vile vial gets bonus gross-out points for its graphic name. It's not just blood, it's hemoglobin-stained saliva that dripped off the Count's slobbering fangs.
2.
Vampire Hair: Candy hair would have made this list on its own; so would candy vampires. The combination in a flossy candy that explodes on your tongue puts it at No. 2. Also noteworthy is the revelation that Marge Simpson is indeed a vampire.
3.
Forkz Candy Eyeballs: Who needs candy corn when you can get candy corneas? As if they're hors d'oeuvres at a monster mash party, these eyeballs have forks sticking out to really make them pop.
4.
Pick 'n Lick: A giant sugar cotton swab gathers up globs of ear wax-colored powder. This is the eeriest candy here.
5.
Toxic Waste: There's a classic trope of hazardous waste turning people into heinous mutants. This version turns kids into people who enjoy sucking on unpleasant, intensely sour candy. According to the barrel's chart, keeping one of these in your mouth for a minute makes you a full toxie head. If you last only 45 seconds you're just a toxie wannabe.
6.
Slithering Snake Suckers: The disturbing part of this candy is not that its similarity in size, shape, and color to a real snake would elicit a double take from any unsuspecting passerby, but the fact that it "lasts all day." According to the box's printed gauge, if you start sucking at dawn, you'll only be halfway finished by noon. Sounds noxious.
7. French-Fried Gummy Candy Fingers with Liquid Candy Blood: Chicken fingers and french fries are kid-menu staples. This candy capitalizes on what children already desire, but with a revolting twist: They're human-shaped fingers stuffed in a french-fry box with a packet of blood as a condiment. That points it in the top-10 digits.
8.
Blood Energy Potion: This sugary maroon liquid claims to have "similar nutritional content to natural blood." A serving does provide 55% of recommended daily iron value and 880mg of amino acids. It even tastes like blood, but only
Franken Berry's blood. An
impressive Web tie-inposes it as a synthetic blood substitute for vampires, an alternative to feasting on humans. With its microwave instructions to heat to 98.6°F and transfusion bag packaging, we give this an A(Rh)+ for commitment.
9.
Body Parts Sushi: There's something about eyeballs, fingers, and ears topping seaweed-wrapped rice that gives us an extra kick of queasiness. Associating hacked body parts with customary fare legitimizes cannibalism in a way that puts us ill at ease. Also, the list of ingredients includes the word "pork." Wretch. Comes with chopsticks.
10.
Harry Potter Bertie Bott's Beans: The Harry Potter series has ended, and so must this list. (Un)fortunately, the franchise leaves us with the grossest candy ever marketed: jelly beans made to taste like "dirt," "rotten eggs," and "vomit." You don't need to have consumed an earthworm to know that the Jelly Belly chefs nailed the flavor. It's obvious in its repulsiveness.
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