In many cultures grandparents live in the same household as their children and grandchildren. Not so much in America. Why not? Is it because we need ample doses of personal space? Is it because greedy advertisers have taught us to reject our parents’ values to induce us to buy their latest stuff? Heaven forbid that we dress like mom or dad, or listen to their music. And once we reject their values, it’s easy to reject their company. Maybe that’s one of the reasons we put them in nursing homes when they get old, where they can watch yesteryear’s reruns. Maybe that’s why our own children might do the same thing to us in their time.
But something seems wrong with this picture. When I consider what the Bible says about multigenerational relationships (the discipleship of children and honoring of parents), I get the feeling many Americans have missed the point of family by a fat, country mile.
In the not-too-distant past, households were places of industry and productive work. Family farms were scattered all over the landscape, and people ran businesses out of their homes. Children were trained at home with their parent’s values, and they learned to contribute their share of the work on the family estate. Babies were born into the home and grandparents lived there until they died. The household was a cradle-to-grave enterprise.
With the advent of industrialization, men began to leave their homes to join the urban work force. Thus was born the apartment building, the subdivision and the single-family home. Dads went off to industrial factories and children went off to industrial schools, Eventually moms went off to work, too. Homes became like hotels, places to eat, do homework, watch TV, and snooze.
But things are starting to change. Thanks to the internet, UPS and FedEx, more and more people are using their homes as places of education and business again. Many parents are deciding to teach their own children there. No need to bus the children off to an institution. The same books that can be read at school can be ordered on line and delivered to the family's front door. The family's home computer can access the same web sites as those in the school’s computer lab. At home the children can receive individualized instruction and enjoy enriching curricula that is tailored to their particular interests, and is in accord with their parent’s values. Clubs, sports leagues and church groups are all available to enrich the social life of the family.
A number of young entrepreneurs have discovered that they can do the same work from a computer at home as they would from one at a work station in a downtown office cubicle. Many of them are thinking outside the box, and integrating their work with the functions of their household. They are finding that when family members work in their business, instead of outside employees, it is easier to have a harmonious work environment. There are also significant tax advantages to a family business, which translates into greater profitability.
Some people are bucking the nursing home trends as well. They are making room in the house for grandma and gramps. And the benefits are substantial. The costs of running two separate households are reduced to one. Energy consumption is lowered. Expenses on utilities, meals, child care and education can be consolidated. The retirement income of the grandparents can be used to help remodel the home for their privacy and comfort. Everybody wins.
But something seems wrong with this picture. When I consider what the Bible says about multigenerational relationships (the discipleship of children and honoring of parents), I get the feeling many Americans have missed the point of family by a fat, country mile.
In the not-too-distant past, households were places of industry and productive work. Family farms were scattered all over the landscape, and people ran businesses out of their homes. Children were trained at home with their parent’s values, and they learned to contribute their share of the work on the family estate. Babies were born into the home and grandparents lived there until they died. The household was a cradle-to-grave enterprise.
With the advent of industrialization, men began to leave their homes to join the urban work force. Thus was born the apartment building, the subdivision and the single-family home. Dads went off to industrial factories and children went off to industrial schools, Eventually moms went off to work, too. Homes became like hotels, places to eat, do homework, watch TV, and snooze.
But things are starting to change. Thanks to the internet, UPS and FedEx, more and more people are using their homes as places of education and business again. Many parents are deciding to teach their own children there. No need to bus the children off to an institution. The same books that can be read at school can be ordered on line and delivered to the family's front door. The family's home computer can access the same web sites as those in the school’s computer lab. At home the children can receive individualized instruction and enjoy enriching curricula that is tailored to their particular interests, and is in accord with their parent’s values. Clubs, sports leagues and church groups are all available to enrich the social life of the family.
A number of young entrepreneurs have discovered that they can do the same work from a computer at home as they would from one at a work station in a downtown office cubicle. Many of them are thinking outside the box, and integrating their work with the functions of their household. They are finding that when family members work in their business, instead of outside employees, it is easier to have a harmonious work environment. There are also significant tax advantages to a family business, which translates into greater profitability.
Some people are bucking the nursing home trends as well. They are making room in the house for grandma and gramps. And the benefits are substantial. The costs of running two separate households are reduced to one. Energy consumption is lowered. Expenses on utilities, meals, child care and education can be consolidated. The retirement income of the grandparents can be used to help remodel the home for their privacy and comfort. Everybody wins.
Is there a down side to the multi-generational, multi-family household? Yep. Everyone must get along, which is tough for a bunch of imperfect people bumping into each other in a common kitchen, or waiting for the bathroom. And there’s always the potential for lazy adult kids to sponge off their parents, or for control freak parents to rule over their children like serf-lords. The good news is that where sin abounds, God’s grace can abound all the more.
Keep an eye out for developments in the multi-generational household. It might just be that our ever-rising gas prices and general economic downturn will be the incentive for many Christians to return to a more biblical way of “doing family” together.
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