More Useful Work Phrases

More Useful Work Phrases
- I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

- It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn off.

- Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

- No, my powers can only be used for good.

- How about never? Is never good for you?

- I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

- You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.

- I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

Where the "R's" Are
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost "r's" migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."

Speeding Up
The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

Also: Birds take off at sunrise. On the opposite side of the world, they are landing at sunset. This causes the earth to spin on its axis.

Infinite Rednecks
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.

The End

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