Jokes

NENE - $ 77.99 HI WEDGE W/LEG WRAP

Words of Wisdom

- Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy.

- Life is like a camel: you can make it do anything except back up.

- She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

- I know it's just a diet, but my body thinks it's famine.

- Punctual people have nothing better to do.

- It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful.

- The best way to make a long story short is to stop listening.

- I had plastic surgery last week. My wife cut up my credit cards.

- This house is protected by killer dust bunnies.

- A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

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SPEED CAT/06 - $ 74.98 ROUND TOE LACE UP

Tidbits of Humor:

- Many politicians say we should pay lower taxes but if we take their advice, the IRS will put us in jail.

- Times sure have changed. Yesterday a bum asked me if I could spare $2.75 for a double cappuccino with no foam.

- Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad.

- Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

- I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

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HIGHRISE/BUDY - $ 72.98 ROUND TOE HI TOP

Vacationing in Alaska, I couldn't help but notice all the warnings about bears posted in campgrounds, visitors' centers and rest areas advising people not to feed the bears, how to avoid bears, what to do if a bear sees you, what to do if a bear attacks, and so on.

My favorite, however, was a hand-lettered sign on the door of a small gas station in a remote area. It said: "Warning! If you are being chased by a bear, don't come in here!"

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NADIA/06 - $ 11.99 HI HEEL SLIP ON

Scud Missiles

I'm the only female in a house full of guys. Four sons and a husband. I'm the only one who would be using Female products.....correct? A peculiar thing was happening at my house.

Tampons were disappearing! A few months ago I went to my cupboard to get out a tampon,and there was only one left. I could have sworn I had just bought a box the month before.

So, I go back to the store, buy a new box and forget about it. Next month I go back to the cupboard...and again...there is only one tampon left again. What's going on? Gremlins?

I go to the store and buy another box, and forget about it. I decided to clean out my two youngest sons closet and at the bottom of their closet are the wrappers, applicators and the tampons themselves. I am starting to freak! What are they doing with them?

I get a hold of myself and tell myself that I am an adult and can handle this, despite the bizarre thoughts running through my mind. I'm thinking, "Do I have enough money saved up in the bank for major therapy?" I go to the top of the stairs and yell for my two youngest sons to "come here!"

They march up the stairs and find me in their room staring into the bottom of their closet. I said "What are you doing with those? Those are mine!"

My 10 year old looks at me all innocent and says. "Well, Mom, we were playing with our G.I. Joes and stuff... and those make really good scud missiles...What do you use them for?" To which I replied: "Never Mind! Go Play!"

FF-3421K - $ 3.99 DAISIES ON GLITTER THONG

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